The Elusive Mr. Smith

Yesterday afternoon while I was elbow-deep with the plunger in the clogged toilet (thanks to the kid) the front doorbell rang. The dogs were going mad; barking, barking, barking! The doorbell rang again.

I went out through the garage so that the dogs wouldn't attack the visitor and came upon a tall young gentleman about 70 years old who I will call Mr. Smith. Mr. Smith had spryly trudged through the knee-deep snow and leaped onto our porch (without even using the steps) to our front door (we never shovel the front walk, since we just use the garage and everyone who comes over usually uses the garage as well) and trudged back through it to meet me at the front of the garage. Mr. Smith asked me if I knew where Don Something-Or-Other lived but I had no idea (come to find out later, it's that jackass that flies his plane over our cattle, but anyway...). I said, "I'm sorry Sir, I can't help you. Does he live on this road or that road. Because that road is on the other side of the lake." (As in, "you can't get there from here.") He was sure that Don lived on this road so I sent him on his way.

The old cat then proceeded to get into his car and ask me, "how do I get out of here?"

I said, "what do you mean?"

He repeated, "how do I get out of here?"

Getting a little bit frustrated I replied, "well, you back up." You see he drove his vehicle all the way up to our garage from the road, he would need to back all the way down the driveway and into the road again.

The coot sat there for a minute and said in all seriousness, "well, I can't back out of here because I can't turn my neck." At this time the man appeared to be contemplating something very serious and finally said to me, "can you back it out for me?"

"Yeah," I said. "I guess I could." He grabbed his cane and got out of the car leaving the door open for me to get in. Because the door was open, the light was on in the car and I happened to look into the back seat (actually, I thought it might be a good idea at this time). When I looked into the back seat I saw a sheet, draped over the seat and a spade shovel. I didn't know what someone was doing with a spade shovel when the ground is frozen solid and there's a foot of snow anywhere you go, yet I still got into the car and started to back it out.

The dude walked down the driveway ahead of me, with his cane, as I backed out (very slowly). I noted that it was odd that he didn't walk around and get in the passenger seat. When I go to the end of the driveway, I again expressed my sorrow that I was unable to help him.

The man got into the car and shut the door but before the dome light went out, he turned his head and looked at me as he drove away.